We arrived at the theme park not long after it opened, and to my great relief, our cheap tickets turned out to be valid Confronted by so many scary-looking rides, I began to feel a bit nervous, so I suggested that we started with something gentle to help us get into the swing of it… something like the pirate ship, which surely must be rather tame… Yeah, right! I don’t know if this was just the world’s most frightening pirate ship, or whether it just felt more so because Babel made me sit on the back seat whereas I’d naturally tend to head for the middle, but it was absolutely and utterly terrifying. Within a few seconds we were swinging so high that we seemed almost vertical, and when I felt like I was being lifted out of my seat, I screamed so loudly that I was hoarse for the rest of the day!

One of my favourite rides has always been the log flume, and we came to the strategic decision that it would be a good idea to get this one over with early on in the day so that we had chance to dry off, rather than sitting in the car home with wet clothes. It wasn’t, however, until I was a fair way into the queue that I realised that Drayton Manor had rather dramatically changed the nature of its log flume ride since the last time I was there. The new attraction, called Stormforce 10, has boats in the style of lifeboats, and is far, far more frightening than I imagined. Things got off to an edgy start when the boat departed the station and immediately went down a moderate drop. Things got even edgier when we climbed to a height, then were spun around and descended the next drop… backwards! I was torn between wanting to scream because I was terrified, and not wanting to open my mouth in case I swallowed some of the none-too-clean-looking lake water. The last drop was pretty spectacular, especially as it had a really cool bump in it, and we wouldn’t have even been too wet, were it not for the fact that the bottom of the boat was curiously full of water. I couldn’t understand it because sometimes there was no water at all, then it would appear from nowhere and completely soak our feet, so that by the end it felt as if my shoes were full of water My sister and I came to the entirely logical conclusion that there must be a hole in the boat which was designed to periodically drain water in and out. My boyfriend dismissed this eminently reasonable suggestion in favour of some doubtful theory about gravity, and somehow managed to keep his feet above the water…

The next question was what we were going to do to help ourselves dry out. For the slightly excessive price of two pounds it was possible to stand in a human drier, but for some inexplicable reason I thought it might be more effective to go on a rollercoaster. Why I suggested this I am unsure, as I don’t actually like rollercoasters. Until this year in Southport I had never been on a rollercoaster which went upside down, and I only went on that one because I didn’t realise it was going to turn me upside down Nevertheless, I saw a rather intimidating ride with several loops, and because I couldn’t see an extensive queue, I figured that this would be the thing to do next.

The queue actually turned out to be much longer than I had thought, and curiously it took place inside so that there was no possibility to watch the ride and assess whether or not I did actually want to go on it. Had I been able to see it, I suspect that I would have concluded not. It turned out to bear the name G Force, and whilst physics is somewhat beyond me, the impression I gained from reading signs in the queue was that it was supposed to subject you to an incredibly high G force. I began to worry that this might not be a Good Thing.

To say I was apprehensive when we got to the ride would be an understatement, but of all the frightening rides I went on during the course of the day, I would say this was the one where I felt safest. Instead of the usual restraint you get that comes over your shoulders, this ride had a waist restraint which, whilst not terribly comfortable, certainly gave an impression of security

And an impression of security was what was needed! The train proceeded up the best part of a loop the loop, then paused far too long for my liking before continuing along the track The rest of the ride was actually pretty cool though, and ultimately I was glad I went on it

After that we decided it was time for lunch, and not having had the foresight to have brought sandwiches with us, we decided to see what Drayton Manor had to offer in the way of culinary delights. We made our way to the selfservice cafeteria, where there was a queue as long and slowmoving as for any of the rides. I don’t mind queuing for thrills but queuing for food is another matter and I did become rather frustrated. That said, when we eventually reached the counter I reckon I got the best deal of the three of us, choosing a full English breakfast which wasn’t at all bad. Except for the mushroom. The mushroom was unspeakable and I don’t wanna think about it now because I might have a nightmare :cry:

Something gentle was called for after eating, and in a fit of irony we decided to ride on the Buffalocoaster, a ride which once reduced my mother to a nervous wreck! It was actually rather pleasant, giving us a lovely view across the park which is actually in very attractive grounds. We followed it up with a trip on the Sombreros, waltzers in the share of Mexican hats which spin round in the air, and my boyfriend and my sister went on a ride called the Flying Dutchman which I flatly refused to go near, following a traumatising experience in Flamingoland some years back.

My boyfriend expressed a disinclination to go on the carousel, and somehow we ended up queuing for a ride called Maelstrom. Words fail me in describing this one. You sat round in a circle, maybe about thirty people, all facing outwards, and then you were lifted up in the air and swung violently from side to side whilst rotating slightly. That makes it sound much tamer than it was! This was a nightmare ride for me and my vertigo, and I didn’t like it at all. I had my eyes closed almost the entire time and I wouldn’t like to speculate how many times I screamed “OMG!”

That survived, there was only really one big ride left to tackle: shockwave. The UK’s first standup rollercoaster, it was new when I visited drayton manor with school aged twelve, at which point I promised my mother I wouldn’t go on it. Despite having doubled in age, going on it still didn’t seem like the world’s best idea, and this was the ride on which I was ultimately most genuinely scared, as opposed to being scared in an enjoyable sort of way.

The problem was the safety harness. I do have an irrational phobia that my safety harness will fail to properly lock, but the arrangement on shockwave was bizarre. The instructions said you were supposed to sit on the saddle seat and adjust it until your feet were on the floor comfortably. My sister managed to adjust hers but mine wouldn’t move at all, and when the shoulder restraint locked there was move give in it than I was happy with. My boyfriend seemed to be having a worse time of it than me, apparently not fitting in his restraint properly at all. I feel more thorough checking on behalf of the staff that everyone was properly fastened may have been in order.

When the ride started, it was kinda unpleasant. I hadn’t thought to keep my head held back, so it bashed rather painfully into the sides of the restraint on several occasions I don’t know if this was supposed to happen but at one point I had a weird feeling like weightlessness and my legs ended up no longer being on the floor, which was scary. All in all, I was glad when it was over and we were all still alive

After shockwave it was nearly time to go home, but we managed to fit in a ride on another one of my favourites, the waltzers in the dark. I totally love these and was really pleased they were still there A final go on the pirate ship and a search for somewhat elusive icecream rounded off the day perfectly. I was virtually unable to speak for the rest of the evening having totally worn my voice out, but it was a really cool day and I’d definitely like to go again next year